Today, at around 1:30, the house got pretty quiet. We had visitors most of the morning and we love visitors. Clay got sleepy and he laid on the bed. I sat beside him and opened my laptop to write a blog post. I thought I knew exactly what God wanted to say and I spent an hour and a half writing to you. Suddenly, when I was almost finished, my laptop froze. Froze. I could not get it to to do anything. I literally prayed over it. I said, “God, you are the one writing this blog. You gave me those words. Please make my computer restart so I don’t have to do all that over.” Some friends from church came to visit and they even prayed about it with me. Well, it didn’t come back up. I restarted the computer and it was gone.

I have told the Lord from the beginning of this process that I don’t want to do or say anything He doesn’t want me to do or say. I want Him to be in control. He is ministering through our situation and we want Him to receive all the glory. There are over 22,000 visitors to our blog and you all have viewed the blog over 160,000 times. It is hard for me to imagine that there are that many of you who are interested in our story. But, I know, because of your testimonies, that God is using it. So, today, when the blog was lost, I just sat here on my bed and told the Lord that I surrender to His will. This is not about me. It’s not about my plans. It’s not about what I think is best. It is about what God wants. It is about what He sees. It’s about what He needs.

He used this to remind me of this truth in my current situation. Clay has said to me several times over the past two weeks, “This isn’t what we had planned is it?” And, the truth is, it’s not. We had planned to retire at 55 and travel. We planned to grow old together in peace and quiet. We planned to watch our kids grow up and live productive lives. Those things may still happen, but one thing is for sure, we never planned for THIS. But, God is not controlled by what I planned. He sees a timeline that is so much bigger than my little life. He sees eternity and everything that is leading up to eternity. I have to submit to His will. So, I just didn’t worry about the fact that I lost my blog post. I just enjoyed the reminder from my Father that He is in control. It’s kind of nice, actually, to just rest and trust Him and not feel like I have to make all this happen.

Clay and I were talking this morning about the trip to Houston next week. We have appointments set for Thursday and Friday. We will have a follow up with the Neurosurgeon, meet the Oncologist and meet the Radiologist. We have agreed to meet with the doctors at MD Anderson to learn about clinical trials or treatment options that would only be available there. Our hearts desire is to have treatment here at home so we can be with our family and friends. The radiology will be at least 6 weeks, everyday. We are going to have decisions to make next week and we need wisdom. We were talking about all the information we’ve received from all of you who are so concerned about us. It has been helpful and we love you for caring about us so much. I got pretty emotional telling Clay that I would go anywhere and do anything for him to live. If there is a cure, I want to find it. I would do anything to keep him here with me. He looked at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, “Baby, that is not your responsibility. Don’t carry that weight on your shoulders.” He’s so sweet. Some men would be ordering their wives to figure it out. Do research. Run all over and find me an answer! Clay is just resting in Jesus. He is trusting that God is in control and that He has our answer. I just keep hearing the Lord remind me of Psalm 33…it is not the horse that you ride into battle that saves you.

I believe it. God is in control and He has already ordered every footstep. One of our dearest friends came over last night and was sharing some things the Lord has shown him about our situation. He said, “It’s like y’all are walking across the Red Sea and God is parting the water for you. But, He’s only parting the sea just in front of you. Each time you take a step, He parts it a little more. But it’s not parted all the way across for you to see what is ahead. You can be assured that you are walking in the perfect will of God.” It’s so true. I have never been so positive in all my life that I am exactly where God wants me to be. Clay and I are in the perfect will of God right now. We know because He is ordaining every single step. The miracles that have gotten us to this point are so incredible, that there is no doubt we are in His will. There is so much peace in that. It is a peace that sustains us, even though we don’t know what we will see when He finishes parting our Red Sea. We don’t know what awaits us on the other shore. But, we know that He is there.

We’ve had some really good days since we’ve been home. Being home is making a big difference in Clay’s recovery. He’s sleeping perfectly and the visits from family and friends are encouraging him so much. We continue to pray as we prepare our hearts for next week. We are asking God to do what He has already done….to make our path straight. He will.

Here are a few pics from the past few days:

The baseball team visited us last night after their game. Clay was so worried about the boys seeing his head, but they all think it is cool that their baseball coach now has a baseball seam on his head. That’s pretty die hard, right?! Grace had some friends spend the night, which felt really normal and good. We love the kid’s friends so much. Clay’s uncle, Chuck, came and took him for a walk around the block. It was a beautiful morning for it and it helped him to get out. Caleb came for a visit and we got a pic of him trying to do “The Clay” point. He’s terrible at it, but we still love him. Church friends came to visit and brought us some healthy snacks – Angel, Jamie and Stacey. They encouraged us by telling us all that God is doing in our church right now. Angela and Promise brought us dinner and shared some awesome things from the Word that really encouraged us. And, Clay’s cousin Amy, and her husband, Scooter, came to visit for a while. It was a sweet time of celebration with Amy because we believe God just healed her of her own scare with cancer.

We are begin showered with love and provisions. Thank you to each of you who have helped us so much. The blog post I wrote today, that got deleted, was about some of the things you all have done for us. So, I hope to rewrite it and thank you. Clay’s memory is getting much better and his pain has essentially stopped. He is not taking any more pain medicine, but he is still on steroids for swelling. He is strong and is able to get around without much help. I haven’t let him out of my sight very much, yet, but he’s recovering very well.

We love you and pray you are blessed tonight. Thank you for the continued prayers.

We are home!! And it was an incredible homecoming to say the least. Our neighborhood streets were lined with signs and every mailbox on our street had balloons. Our family was waiting for us in the driveway cheering. There is a big sign in our front yard from our church. There was food in the refrigerator, presents on the counter and my house is spotless! I’ll write again later to recognize everyone who contributed and to tell you more about what God has done through so many dear people. I will never be able to thank everyone or come close to expressing, with mere words, how thankful we are. Our hearts are so full. And our bodies are so tired. Thank you so much for the support and encouragement. We love y’all!!! I’ll say more later.

Clay told me this morning that he is ready to co-author his blog post! I can’t wait.

7 am this morning: The Neurosurgeon’s Resident came in and woke us up out of a deep sleep. I sat up and was working hard to just put two words together. I couldn’t even keep my eyes open yet. I heard her say, “Mr. Furlow, do you know where you are?” Right away, Clay replied, “Sure. I’m at MD Anderson in Houston.” I practically leapt off the bed, but instead I just started kissing him all over his face. The doctor was laughing at me, which means she couldn’t really understand how good it was for me to hear those words. You see, the hardest side effect of the surgery is that the anesthesia and morphine, added to the fact that they dug around in Clay’s brain for 8 hours, caused him to have short term memory issues. We’ve laughed a lot, but the truth is, I have been a little disturbed by it. I just want him to be here with us and when he was struggling to remember what happened a few minutes ago, it was sad to me. We’ve handled it really well. He laughs a lot but I was ready for that side effect to pass. For the past few days, his reply to the question, “Do you know where you are?” has included St. Jude, Nashville, Tennessee, Baton Rouge, Memphis, Lane Memorial in Zachary, Woman’s Hospital, Hawaii and the Baton Rouge General. It has been the hardest question to answer. Plus, the time that he has been the most confused is when he first wakes up from a good sleep. So, he had his wits about him before I even had mine this morning. I was ecstatic.

The Occupational Therapist and Physical Therapist have come by today and they are so excited about how well Clay is doing. He is walking, climbing stairs, putting on his own clothes, holding good conversations, remembering everything that is happening, remembering the staff names, and he even wrote for the first time this morning. When the OT asked him to write something, this is what he chose…

Amen. He does certainly know the plans He has for us. God is restoring Clay so quickly. I firmly believe that his life was saved this week. Had we not been here when we were, and had a doctor that quickly recognized concerning symptoms, we might not have ever made it home. It was that serious, y’all. God’s hand was all over us. He was ordaining every step and leading us to the exact place He needed us to be. There is such a peace in knowing Jesus.

Yesterday and today have been a little difficult for Clay. He has been emotional, as I mentioned yesterday. The scar seems really big right now and it is a huge reality check every time he looks in the mirror. But, even in his sadness, he has never accused God or been angry at God. He just keeps saying, “He knows what He’s doing, baby. He knows.” He has asked me if I know what God is doing. Of course, I can’t see the whole picture. None of us can. But, praise God, He can see everything. He knew when He made me and Clay in our mothers’ wombs that we would be sitting here right now. He always knew that He created us to walk through this trial. And, why you ask? For His names’ sake. For His glory. That’s what everything is about. We can’t see our lives with physical eyes. We must see our life through a spiritual perspective. Everything is about eternity. And, because all of you have showered us with so much love and support, we know that God is using our testimony. He is using it in many lives and people are being drawn to a closer walk with Jesus because of the testimony He is writing in our lives.

2 Corinthians 1: 3-11 says,

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”

I feel like I could have written this scripture. I know exactly what Paul means. He is the God of comfort. When we are afflicted, He is nearer than ever and He helps us in our infirmities. We are living this truth right now. It is amazing to be facing such a mountain and to be filled with peace and praise. Paul knew that he was suffering for the sake of the church. I honestly believe that Clay and I are suffering right now for your sake. Of course, God is working in us. He is revealing Himself and bringing us to a new place in our walk with Him. He has brought repentance and healing of our hearts. But, He is also working in you. I know because you are telling me. Many of you have messaged me and told me how much God is speaking to you through this situation. Let me tell you, it is the Holy Spirit at work. When I sit down to write these posts, I type the words the first time and I don’t change a thing. I’ve prayed for the Holy Spirit to speak through me and that’s exactly what He’s doing. So, I beg you to listen. To receive. To allow Him to work. In this scripture, Paul recalls his time in Asia as a death sentence. They were utterly burdened beyond strength, but God used it to teach them not to rely on themselves, but to trust God. Clay and I have learned this lesson and are praying that He will allow us to continue to share our story so that you can be encouraged to lean on God in whatever trial you are currently experiencing.

The last part is my favorite….so that MANY will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. I’m praying that at the end of our story, there will be a huge celebration for many people who have been healed, including Clay, and a time of testimony for people to share how their lives have been changed. This will be granted to us through the prayers of many. You get to take part in all of our blessings because you are constantly lifting us up in prayer. And, we feel it. We know how hard you have prayed and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for it. Clay has had several visits, even though we are so far from home. Here are a few from yesterday…

Long time, good friends, Michael and Jason, visited from Beaumont and Fort Worth. Stephanie brought Andrew to see Ben and she took Ben home for us. What a blessing. He was getting a little stir crazy so it was the perfect solution for everyone. Andy brought us Pappadeaux Seafood for lunch. Delicious! He even entertained Sam and Grace in the evening and let them stay at his house. Clay’s cousin, Kelli, came by and really cheered him up. The visits are helping him so much. It shows him how loved he is and helps him to stay encouraged.

Today, we had a precious visit from our church friends, Anna, Hannah and Ingrid. The staff has been cheering him up and his nurse even prayed for him. Awesome!

Here it is….the scar! We’ve decided that it looks like a baseball seam and that makes it pretty cool. Dr. Weinberg, pictured with Clay above, is the amazing surgeon that put that mark on Clay’s head. We are happy to have it and we are thanking God that He brought this man into our lives for such a time as this. God used Dr. Weinberg to prolong Clay’s life. He is a gentle, caring, compassionate man who is gifted beyond belief to perform amazing tasks everyday. And, considering he is the top Neurosurgeon in the world, he is very humble. We love him and are so grateful for what he has done for us.

God has proven to be our comforter and our strength. We are praising Him today.

Because Clay is doing so well, we will most likely travel home tomorrow. They are preparing our discharge papers tonight so we can leave as soon as we get up. The mornings are his best time, so it will be the best time to be on the road. Everyone went home yesterday, except Sam and Grace. They stayed with us and my awesome cousin, Andy, and his wife, Brooke, let them sleep at their house last night. I’m so glad they stayed. Clay’s face lit up when they got here today. They’ll be able to help me with him on the way home. We are praying for little traffic, no pain, and safe travels tomorrow.

I am threatening to write a post that is just a list of the funny things Clay has done and said. If we have time, Sam and Grace are going to help me with it tonight. So, be on the lookout if you need a good laugh later. We love you all and thank you so much for your continued prayers. God is working. Be assured. Amen.

Today was a long and wonderful day, filled with several different emotions. Thankfully, we were able to sleep well last night, so we woke up refreshed. The Neurosurgeon came by early and showed me the results of the MRI, which were fantastic. It was a great way to start our day. We both felt very encouraged that this has given us a completely different outlook. We are still on a difficult path, but we are praising God for the miracle of a successful surgery. The kids arrived and Clay was so happy to see them. He was on morphine, so he got pretty loopy for a while. We laughed so hard at him trying to tell us stories and things that “happened” last night. It’s a good thing I haven’t left his side because we would really be wondering about what sorts of things go on at MD Anderson if we had to believe his stories! The doctors assure us that this will all wear off in a few more days and we’ll be back to normal. They also tell us that he will feel much better than he felt prior to the diagnosis, considering the release of fluid pressure and the steroids.

We have had a long few days at this hospital. You can imagine. We weren’t prepared for surgery and we are still processing the fact that we are in this situation, at all. So, the normal tendency for a person in Clay’s situation would be for them to feel frustration, loss of patience, maybe even anger. I have been so honored to be by Clay’s side during this time. Even under the influence of steroids, which normally make people highly irritable, he has been the sweetest thing. He has thanked every nurse or doctor that has helped him. Rather than being irritated by all the poking and sticking and interrupting, he has been so thankful and helpful to the staff. He asks each one to tell him their names and he honestly tries to remember. Last night, our nurse had to accompany us to the MRI. So, we had lots of time to talk. She was telling us her story and she mentioned that she was in the military. Right away, Clay said, “Thank you for your service. Really. I want to make sure you know how much I appreciate it.” She just replied sweetly with a thank you. Late this afternoon, she came back to the room and he, apparently, had forgotten that we had that conversation. She mentioned being in the military and I reminded him that she told us last night. He said, “Oh. I’m sorry I don’t remember talking about that, but did I thank you for your service?” Of course, he had.

He has had an abundance of patience. We waited for our MRI last night for over an hour. He was uncomfortable and nervous about doing it, again, but he just waited so patiently. He smiled at the staff every time they came near. I really can’t remember a time that he complained through this entire ordeal. He has thanked me so many times. He tells all the nurses how wonderful I am and he constantly asks me if I’m doing ok. “How are you handling all this? Are you ok emotionally?” He asks me regularly how the kids are doing….how I REALLY think the kids are doing. He is asking about people at home who we know are sick and dealing with situations. Tonight I was getting him settled in the bed and he asked me to leave his arm uncovered so it would be easy for the nurse to get to him when she comes to give him medicine.

Now, I’m not trying to paint a perfect picture of my husband. He is human and he has a flesh that he battles, just like all of us. And, I’ll be the first to tell you that he definitely battles his flesh on normal occasions. God started dealing with his heart immediately when we got this diagnosis. There has been much repentance and confession to the Lord. (I’ll save that for a later blog post that he will have to co-author because I really want him to share the things the Lord is doing in him. But that’s his story to tell.) So, he is not perfect. But what I’m so amazed at, is how the Holy Spirit is producing the fruits of the Spirit in him while he walks in surrender to the Lord. You all know the fruits of the Spirit, explained in Galatians 5:16-25

^“16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. ¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, ²¹ envy,^[d] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ²⁴ And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.²⁵ If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.”

Walking in the Spirit produces Love, which produces all these other fruits. As Clay has been pressed into this difficult time, the love of God is coming out of him. His love for Jesus is so evident. My dad was here with us early this morning and Clay was sitting up in the chair. It got quiet for a minute and he just started talking about how much he loves the Lord. He said, “How do people go through something like this without Jesus? He is so good to us. I love Him with all my heart. He is sustaining me right now.” He was encouraging himself in the Lord and it was neat to see. His love for God is now producing all the fruits he needs in order to honor God in his time of trial. He is patient (this is probably the biggest miracle because he struggles with this normally.) He is joyful and at total peace. He has been exceedingly gentle. Always smiling at the staff and trying to help them as they help him. He is soft spoken and sweet. He has been kind and full of goodness. It really is a miracle to watch this happen. Clay accepted the path God chose for him, and God has given him the grace to walk it out. The staff have been so complimentary of him and it has made my job a lot more pleasant. I’ve always told him I would take care of him in sickness, I just never knew it would be this enjoyable.

An old family friend came to visit today and it brought back a lot of good memories from Clay’s childhood. He talked about how he has thought of all those friends and those good times of his childhood and young adult years. He was so touched by the visit. If you don’t know this already, it might be a shock, but Clay is normally a loner. He loves that his office is private, he would prefer to be with just me than anyone else, he likes to eat alone, he doesn’t really like crowds, and he has never needed attention. God has used this experience to give him a renewed love for the body of Christ. The visits and the time he has spent with people has encouraged him so much. He told his friend today that it is making a tremendous difference in his strength to walk through this. We both have a full appreciation for our need for the body of Christ….for the encouragement of others.

He was getting tired so everyone left and we came back to the room to take a nap. When he woke up, he was disoriented (side effect of the meds) and he started to get a little panicked. The wrap on his head was very tight and starting to make him feel claustrophobic. I immediately started praying with him and trying to help him work through it. Right at that moment, our Pastor called us. It was great timing because Clay was starting to feel very emotional. Pastor Lee just reminded us that God desires to comfort us in our grief. Grief is normal and it is ok. Feeling grief does not mean that we are being unfaithful to God or that we are sinning. God wants to comfort us, so it’s ok to feel some grief. As he was saying those words, I was imagining how much I love to comfort my children. When one of them has gotten disappointed or their feelings are hurt, I absolutely LOVE to be able to hug them and console them. Of course, I don’t want them to hurt, but if they have to hurt, I want to be the one to love them through it. That’s how God feels toward us. He longs to comfort us. We can feel grief and be sad for a moment, as long as we bring it to him. That’s exactly what we did. We just prayed together, with Pastor Lee, and thanked God for all he’s done, but let him know that we are grieving and we need to feel his arms of love. Of course, He came immediately and comforted us.

While we were on the phone with Pastor Lee, the nurse came and removed the head wrap. This was a big moment. Clay was nervous about what it would look like and how it would feel. The scar is much better than I anticipated. It is a large semi-circle on the right side of his head. Since he was already mostly bald, we don’t have to mourn the loss of any hair. He was nervous to see it, so I just described it to him and reassured him that it is so much better than he thinks. Finally, after a while, he looked. Clay is not a vain person, so he does not care about the looks. He is already prepared for the fact that people are going to stare at it. He’s fine with that. I think it just made everything feel so real. As long as it was covered, we could pretend this isn’t really happening. Now that the scar is exposed, the reality began to sink in. So, we cried. And, guess what? It was fine. After a while, we started to remember the great things God has done and we started to talk about all of you. We reminded ourselves that God is receiving great glory and honor from this testimony and that we have been confident from the beginning that this is His will. The Holy Spirit comforted us and we settled down for the night.

Clay is sleeping now. He is resting well. The scar won’t get covered up again. It will be visible for all to see. And every time I look at it I’m going to hear Grace in my mind saying, “That’s ok. It will just be a reminder to us of all that God has done.” Amen.

If you are walking through a difficult situation tonight, please be reminded that God is near to the brokenhearted. He loves you and is waiting to comfort you. Get that picture of a loving father just waiting for his child to run to his arms for comfort in a time of disappointment or need. If you will look to Him, He will comfort you. And, it’s ok to grieve. It’s ok to cry. We don’t have to always be strong. We can be human and let Jesus pick up the pieces of our hearts. This is when we truly learn to let Him live through us.

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Amen. Let Him bind your wounds tonight.

 

Well, Clay is now one of the few people I know that can say he has had brain surgery. We came to MDA with very little hope and we certainly did not expect surgery this fast. We didn’t even bring any clothes to the hospital with us yesterday. We fully expected to see the doctor and then have a few other appointments and go back to the hotel.

The situation became an emergency very quickly. From the time we arrived at 10:30, to the time they admitted Clay to the ER at 1:00, he had significantly declined. He started to look sick, which had not happened yet. The doctor recognized that we didn’t have much time and told me that he would slip into a coma before too long so the surgery was needed immediately. Dr. Gummadi comforted me with his voice of agreement and we consented. 12 hours later they were taking him to the OR for a craniotomy. A large team of doctors and nurses surrounded him as they wheeled him away. I had a total peace that he would be fine.

Then the wait began. They gave updates every 2 hours. Ben was our little timer. He would watch the clock and say, “Mom, it’s almost time for an update.” The staff was wonderful. The doctor even asked about us! At around 3, I guess, they came to get me because Clay was having a hard time waking up. I was able to go in and help them calm him down. I actually wasn’t much help, which was disappointing. He wanted out of the bed and was confused. The meds finally wore off and he settled down. When I came back in and got close to his face, his eyes look up and he said, in the sweetest voice, “Heeeyyyy.” That made me feel so much better.

We were in recovery for a while. The kids could only see him for a minute. It was hard for them to see their dad in the bed. He has a huge bandage on his head but otherwise he looks normal. They handled it all very well. I know I keep saying this, but my kids are amazingly strong.

Dr. Weinberg is the top neurosurgeon at MDA. All the others work for him. MDA is the top cancer hospital in the world. So, I just kept thanking God yesterday that we were in the most capable human hands possible. Of course, all of this is in God’s hands, but if He is going to use a partner to help with Clay’s situation, He picked a pretty good one! I’m overwhelmed to think that we got the best surgeon in the world. Well, he lived up to high expectations. This picture is the before and after.

 

 

The left picture is the MRI from BR. Look how big that thing is! The cysts were like water balloons. All the white that you see is cancer. The dark spots within the white is fluid. The cancer cells were producing the fluid. The mass on the right was blocking the spinal fluid from draining out of the brain and causing strong pressure headaches. The surgeon expected to be able to remove most of the mass on the right, which would release the fluid and pressure. But, he didn’t expect to get to the left.

Look at the after pic on the right! Look! All that dark space, that was white before, is empty space where he removed 80% of the tumor. He got way over to the left hand side and was able to drain those cysts and remove a good portion of the cancer. It is a miracle. We prayed God would guide the surgeon’s hands and he answered our prayer in abundance. Even the doc was surprised at the success. That’s because all of you were praying so hard.

The next step is for Clay to recover. They say the worst part will be the incision, which is a question mark shaped incision that covers the right side of his head. When I showed the kids how big it is, Grace said, “That’s ok. It will be a constant reminder of what God did.” Amen. I love that girl.

We actually slept pretty  good. My body couldn’t go anymore so we slept hard. The staff has been wonderful. Clay woke up and had breakfast in bed…spoiled! He has bathed and walked the floor already. Right now he’s sitting in his portable rocking chair provided by Jimmy Cook! He is having some delusions that are providing entertainment. The doctors reassure us constantly that it is totally normal so we’ve started laughing about it. He’s been making lots of jokes and is handling it all very well.

We are still taking this one day at a time. We are loving Jesus and thanking him for all the miracles along the way and we are trusting Him to continue to hold us in His hands. The doctor says there is no cure for this. The surgery is a temporary removal that bought us time. We will begin exploring treatment options and clinical trials in about two weeks once he has recovered. We will believe the report of the Lord and we will continue to give Him glory. It is so obvious that He has orchestrated every step so how could we not trust Him? Thank you for your prayers. Clay and I pray for y’all everyday. Our prayer is that God is working in your life as you see how He is sustaining us through such a difficulty. He is real, guys! He is real. Praise Him today.

 

 

 

Surgery has started. We have had wonderful staff and doctors. Everyone here has been so good to us. The timing has been perfect and we have not had one problem. We only slept a few hours, but we are thankful that the surgery got scheduled so quickly, so it’s fine. We won’t hear an update until 10 am and he will be in there until, at least, 1 pm.

As I suspected, watching them wheel my husband away from me was the hardest thing I’ve done, yet. Not because I’m afraid, but because I miss him already. I just want to be with him. The kids want to be with him. These next five hours are going to be exceedingly long. Let me attempt to tell you why…

Ephesians 5:23, 25 says,

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and He is the savior of the body. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

Clay and I had a conversation about this just a few weeks ago, well before we had any idea what was about to happen. When I read this scripture one day, I really thought about how the relationship between a husband and a wife is meant to be a picture of the relationship with Jesus and the church. The picture should be one of love and support, undying affection, total intimacy, trust, completeness, and more. I recently read in a book that some people don’t associate with this reference of Christ and the church because they have not experienced this type of love in their marriage. I was thanking Clay for loving me the way he does because it helps me understand the way Jesus loves me.

Since the minute we realized that we were made for each other, Clay has adored me. Just ask anyone that knows us very well. He gets teased a lot by his friends because he would rather be with me than do anything else. He always considers me above himself. He waits for me patiently. He is affectionate toward me, always making me feel protected. He stares at me. Seriously. We’ve been married for 17 years and the man still stares at me. We will be sitting in the same room, and I will totally be tuned out to him for several minutes. Then I’ll look up and he’ll just be staring at me with the most affectionate look on his face. He loves me. And, I promise, it is not because I am easy to love. It is because he loves the Lord and God has created this beautiful love for me inside of him. It’s because we are one person.

He told me the other day that he needed some time alone. I said, “Ok. I’ll go downstairs for a while.” He said, “No. I want you to stay.” To which I replied, “Um, you just said you wanted to be alone.” In the most sincere and matter-of-fact voice he said, “Yea, but being with you is the same as being alone. We’re the same person.” He says things like that all the time. For 17 years, he has showered me with that type of affection. I have never one single time doubted his love for me. I have never questioned if he is faithful to me. I have always known how he feels about me.

He is the same way with our kids. He plays with them. He pays attention to them. He listens to them. And, he takes time to tell them how he feels about them. They have never had to feel insecure about their father’s love for them.

As Satan has attacked the church and God’s kingdom over time, you can obviously see the things that he has attacked the hardest. One of them is the family. Marriage. The divorce rates are out of control and it is because Satan doesn’t want people to see that picture of the relationship of Jesus to the church. He doesn’t want us to be able to associate the love of Christ with something tangible. If our marriages are messed up and our husbands don’t know how to love their wives, then we have a harder time understanding how Jesus loves us. The enemy knows what he’s doing. Don’t let him win. Husbands, love our wives so they and your children can see this beautiful picture of the love of Christ.

So, as we laid in a very uncomfortable hospital bed together last night, we didn’t feel the need to pour out our hearts and say a bunch of stuff we’ve never said. We just snuggled and I thanked him for not waiting until now to let me know how he feels about me. Nothing is unsaid between us. Nothing. We didn’t have to apologize or make up or confess anything. All he has to do is look at me and I know exactly what he’s thinking. He’s spent the last 17 years showing me and telling me how he feels about me. There is nothing more to say.

I’m not telling you this to be sappy. I’m telling you this to implore you to love your family today. Husbands, love your wives. Make sure they know how much you love them. Love your children. Don’t leave words unsaid or affections unshown (I realize unshown is not a word, but it sounded better.) Take every opportunity to make sure the people in your life know exactly how you feel. Sacrifice for them. Put them ahead of yourself. Your actions speak much louder than your words. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I hope you can have this same feeling. I told Clay last night that he doesn’t have to say anything because I know exactly how he feels….I’ve always known.