Teach Us To Number Our Days

About two months ago, my pastor’s wife asked me if I would teach at our annual Ladies’ Retreat. Now, if you don’t know my Pastor and his wife, Carla, let me just tell you that they are completely anointed to do what God has called them to do and they are led by the Spirit in every way. So, when she asked me, although I was shocked and humbled, I knew it was God. I accepted, even though I was scared out of my mind. About 80 women were coming to this retreat, expecting big things. Desiring to hear directly from God in this moment. Ummm…..that’s not too much pressure, right? Well, I was begging God to show me what to say. Begging. I was reading constantly, praying, fasting. I felt very unworthy for this task.

Now, before I tell you this, I just want you to know that I have 80 witnesses AND the message was recorded, so there is plenty of proof. Here is what the Lord gave me to say. This is just a small excerpt of my notes from the beginning of the message the first night….

As I was praying about this Ladies’ Retreat, I was just reading one day and I came across Psalm 91:10 and 12,

10 “Seventy years are given to us, some may even reach eighty. But even the best of those years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear and we are gone. “ (NLT)

12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” (KJV)

As I read those words, it was literally like they floated up into the air in front of my face. The Holy Spirit immediately began to deal with me regarding this verse. Am I making the most of my time or am I letting time control me? Why would numbering our days cause us to apply our hearts unto wisdom? Well, let’s think about it. We’ve all seen someone receive a diagnosis of death with an estimated time to live. What happens? They immediately start to reflect on their life. Often times, they attempt to right wrongs and heal hurt relationships. Some people in this situation apply themselves to find God and live for Him with the time they have left. They wrap up lose ends and make sure their business is in order. They cherish every day they have left. They search themselves to make sure they are ready to see the Lord. What would you do? How would you spend your time if you were told you had 6 weeks to live? When we live with an expectancy of an end, we are more likely to live on purpose, rather than just let our lives spin around us.

I said those words. I even have a T-shirt to prove that the theme of the entire retreat was “Teach us to number our days that we may grow in wisdom.” God moved in a great way on the Ladies’ Retreat. He showed us so much of who He is. He worked in our hearts to break down our pride and self righteousness. He proved His ability to live through us. We don’t have to try to salvage the pieces of our life into something He can use. We have to lay everything down and let him create a new life.

Before I left for the trip, the Lord had solidified the message for the first night. The notes were completed and all I had to do was review them and pray over them. But, the message for the second night wasn’t quite done. I was frustrated with myself over this. But, I just knew God wasn’t finished with it. I got to the beach (did I mention our retreat is in Gulf Shores…yet another reason I love my church!) early and I woke up the first morning to go pray. When I walked on the patio, the Lord prompted me to read Job. Job? I was thinking, “God, what does Job have to do with this message?” I read it anyway….the whole thing, which is not easy to do. Ha. It’s pretty long. In the past, when I’ve thought of Job, I always think of a strong man who loved God through unimaginable difficulties. He never cursed God and his faith did not waver, even when he had nothing. However, when you read the story closely, it’s more than that.

Job was, most certainly, a righteous man. He did good works and was honest. People came to him for advice and he was honored by all who knew him. God is the one who offered him to Satan. God said, “Have you seen my servant Job.” This tells us that God needed to sift him. Satan tells God that the only reason Job serves Him so faithfully is because he is blessed. And God allows Satan to harm him. As Job laments over his situation, he is sitting in sackcloth on top of a pile of ashes. He’s lost almost everything and people are very concerned for him. He starts to yell at God. He doesn’t curse Him, but he accuses Him. He questions His motives and practically demands an audience with Him in order to ask what He has done wrong. He is essentially saying, “God, I am righteous, yet you afflict me. Show me yourself so I can plead my case to you and demand that you tell me where I have sinned.” Can you imagine demanding an audience with God? I don’t care how good you are, would you ever be so arrogant as to demand to see God so He can tell you what you’ve done wrong? I would hope not. The pride in Job’s life is so gross. He is self righteous and as he sits with nothing, rather than humble himself, he demands an audience with God.

Well, he gets it. God comes in a whirlwind and says, “Brace yourself!” Wow. I never want to hear those words from God. God, in His love and mercy, takes Job through a very sobering process of proving who He is and what He is capable of. As Job SEES God, he sees how insignificant he is. God doesn’t do this to crush Job. He does it so Job will see that God is so much greater than we’ll ever understand and we need Him in order to do anything that we do. God needed Job to see that he couldn’t work his way to heaven. He needed to humble himself before God. Well, he ended up humbled after the whirlwind. I love the verse at the end of the book,

Job 42:5. “I heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”

We have to SEE God. We can’t just hear about Him. We have to SEE Him. Then we can see the truth of what we are and we will be humbled before Him so we can live a life surrendered to Him. I Corinthians 1 says that “No flesh should glory in His presence.” When we finally make it to heaven and we stand before Jesus…face to face…there will be no room for our pride. We will fall before Him in worship and say that it is ONLY because of Him. We do nothing. We can’t even really believe Him on our own. The Holy Spirit has to reveal Jesus to us.

Job withstood in his trial. He remained strong in His faith and continued to believe God, and because of his steadfastness, God showed up. In His mercy, he showed Job his sin and humbled him so He could be blessed again. And, God raised him back up. He blessed him more than he was blessed before. Praise God.

I know that God brought me to this story because He knew what was waiting for me when I got home from the Ladies’ Retreat. I came home on Saturday evening and on Sunday afternoon, Clay had his first episode that caused us concern. By Monday morning we were at the doctor and at 2:30 we heard a very difficult diagnosis. As soon as I saw the CT Scan in that doctor’s office, I heard the Holy Spirit say “Teach us to number our days that we may grow in wisdom.” The words that God spoke through me, just days before, rushed back to my mind and provided an immediate strength that I needed. I realized in a split second, that, although I thought I taught that retreat so that God could speak to 80 of my closest friends, the truth was that I taught that retreat so the words He spoke would be embedded in my soul. If I had just attended the retreat, the message would never have gotten so deep in my Spirit as it did while I poured over it for two months in preparation. I remember when Carla asked me to teach, I asked her to pray for me because I knew in my Spirit that God was going to have to break me and work in me as He prepared me for the message.

I am so comforted by the way God has directed my steps to this point in our life. He did everything to get me here and to prepare me for it. The story of Job gives me great hope that God intends to restore. He led me to that story to give me direction and hope right now. As soon as we learned about the diagnosis, I shared all this with Clay and we prayed for God to strip us of any pride. We repented. We refused to beat our chest and tell God all the great things we think we’ve done for Him. We refused to demand an audience with God so we could plead our case. We, by the power and prompting of the Spirit, accepted God’s plan with humility and prayed that He would receive glory from our lives, no matter what. That has been our prayer the entire time. We are declaring that we will not doubt. We will not fear. We will not question God. We will trust and wait on Him.

Our present circumstance is our testing. I imagine Satan going before God and God offering us to be tested. I can see Satan saying, “They only love you because you bless them.” And God saying, “Ok. Let’s see.” Well, so far, the Holy Spirit has proven to be a reliable companion and He is passing the test for us. Satan is not gaining ground. He is not receiving glory. God is showing up and His name is being made great. This gives me hope of restoration. Hope that the end of the story is healing. The only question right now is….which one of us is Job? Me or Clay?

I’m not sure. Clay is not sure. God has not told us that he will heal Clay. We know He can heal Clay. We believe it with all of our hearts and we are surrounded by your prayers and your hopeful spirits. You all are believing so hard and it lifts us up. God is able to do this. We have no doubt. But, I want to caution all of us. If he doesn’t do what we think is best, He is still good. God can see so much more than we can see. He knows the end. Although it seems to all of us that the outcome through which God could receive the most glory would be to heal Clay, we can not see all that He sees. He knows. It’s His name, so of course, He is going to do what is going to bring Him the most glory. Clay has accepted that and I have accepted that. This life we live is not about what we see here on earth. Everything we do is about what will happen after this life. We have to live with a spiritual perspective.

Tonight, we go to bed praying for God to be glorified. We are praying for all of you who are following our story. Praying for revival and repentance and for all of us to draw closer to the Lord in this time. We see the doctor tomorrow at 11:30. We have a lot of questions and we hope for a good report. But, no matter what, we will believe the report of the Lord. His Word is truth. His Word is life. I will update you as soon as possible. Thank you for your continued prayers.

 

He Is Near…In Every Little Detail

I’m so glad that this is what I saw when I woke up this morning. We are here, as a family, doing this together. We found the perfect hotel that was a very reasonable rate and is only 10 miles from the hospital. We slept in a bit and just took our time getting ready. Clay and I had a sweet time with the Lord this morning. We read several things that some of you specifically gave us to read. We prayed for continued strength to do what we have to do.

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We needed breakfast so, I googled “breakfast places near me” and the first thing that came up looked delicious. We agreed on it, armed ourselves with Clay’s support bracelets and headed out the door. His head was hurting a little and I thought he needed to eat.

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The google instructions told us the restaurant was at the Galleria, so I intended to turn right out of our driveway and head toward the Galleria. But, something (the Holy Spirit) told me to turn left. I was thinking that it might take too long to go through the Galleria to get to a restaurant so I decided to turn left and just see what we found. As soon as I turned, Grace said, “Mom. There is it right there. The restaurant we wanted!” As I was pulling the car into the parking lot, I said to the kids, “Guys, do you see? Do you really see all the miracles God is doing. Even just the smallest things. He is answering prayers we are not even praying. He is parting waters in front of us. He has kept us from difficulty, frustration, and anger.” As those words were coming out of my mouth, there was only one parking spot in the entire lot and it was right at the front door. I just pulled into it and said, “See.”

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We sat down to eat and Clay’s headache got worse and worse. Eventually he realized that he couldn’t stay. Right when we decided to leave, they were preparing our food. They packed it in to-go boxes for us and we brought it back to the hotel. As we were walking to the car, I was thinking, I’m going to need a bag in case he can’t make it to the hotel. (He was sick at his stomach.) I opened the car door and there was a bag laying in his seat. As soon as we arrived back at the hotel, we had to stop by the pool so he could sit and he got sick. Several people rushed to our aid. The hotel staff brought us everything we needed and were so kind to us.

The kids were able to sit down and eat a delicious breakfast. When we first stepped onto the patio of the pool area, it was hot and there was no breeze. I wanted to move Clay back inside because I could feel him sweating. Just as I was thinking he was going to get overheated, the patio became shaded and the wind started blowing. That was just what he needed. The wind. We sat down in some comfy chairs, in the shade, with the breeze blowing in our faces while the kids ate and he got his strength back. I don’t know if you saw my Facebook post earlier, but Clay is a big baseball fan. The kids enjoy going to the games and he really wanted to do that together while we are here. The Astros are playing the Indians at home today. Guess what time the game started? 1:10. Most of you already know why that is special. Clay’s birthday is 1/10 and many of our friends have set reminders in their phones to pray from him at 1:10 everyday. It’s just the little things that God keeps doing. I assure you, Clay couldn’t care less about a silly ballgame, but it was like the Lord was saying to us that He wanted us to have that time. Just a little reminder that He loves us.

He got his strength back and he wanted to go. Sam brought the car around (thank God he can drive and help me) and we left. We are close to Minute Maid and there was no traffic so it didn’t take long. I pulled up at the front and dropped him off with Grace and Ben. Sam came with me to park the truck. We drove about two blocks and pulled into a parking lot that was completely packed. I prayed out loud, “God, please help us find a parking spot. I’m worried about Clay and I want to get back to him as fast as possible.” Sam is my witness. As soon as I said those words, a parking lot attendant drove past me on a golf cart. He waived me down. I rolled my window down and he said, “You can just park right here. We’ll just make a spot for you.” Y’all, I’m not kidding. He let me park in the aisle!

The game wasn’t crowded at all, so we walked in and just sat in the first seats we saw because Clay was tired. We rested a bit, but then he wanted to go walk to our seats. As we started walking, his headache got worse and worse and he just sat down on the ground. Within one minute, the EMS team was there to help. I looked up and we were 10 steps from the First Aid office. They gave him a wheelchair and a plastic bag (which comes in really handy later!) and just checked him out. They wheeled us just outside their door and let us sit in a restricted area for wheelchairs. We got to watch several innings from those seats. But, he couldn’t make it very long. He was hurting worse. I could see that he was about to get frustrated. I knelt down beside him and just reminded him to encourage himself in the Lord. He’s told the kids for years that the way he dealt with fear when he was a child was to sing hymns to himself. Whenever he would say the name of Jesus and sing to Him, the fear would go away. I just reminded him of that. That’s exactly what he did and he remained very calm. We decided to go. The EMS team wheeled him all the way to the car for us. Amazing.

I hope this isn’t TMI, but I want you to see how amazing God is. He got sick on the way home. This is where the plastic bag comes in! Anyway, we’re all in the car. I’m driving. Clay is throwing up in the bag and he starts saying, “You sucker! You are not going to get the best of me. You can try as hard as you want, but you are not going to win.” Just imagine what God is showing my kids through this. Amazing. The sickness passes and he says, “I’m riding down the road holding a bag of puke!” The kids bust out laughing and we all just laugh together.

We turned up the worship music and Chris Tomlin’s song “Jesus, He loves me” comes on. We were all just singing it together. He loves us. We can be sure of that. He sees us. He is with us. He is near to the broken. We are broken and He is near. We are back at the hotel and he has been sleeping for a few hours. The kids have been completely silent so he can rest. They want to be near him, no matter what that means.

I hope you see that God is present, even in the smallest things. He hears our prayers and it is His desire to help us. Look for the little things in your life today. As you read this, reflect on your day and ask the Lord to remind you of all the things He did for you. Look for Him in your day. He is with you. His Word will sustain you, but it has to be in you. I hope tonight that you will choose to spend time in His Word. Prioritize that over anything else in your life. In order for His Word to come out of you when you are pressed, it has to be in there. I pray you will allow the Lord to deposit His Word into your life. Love Him. Seek Him. Read His Word. Let Him be near to you today.

Could This Really Be Us?

If I’m being entirely honest with you, I have to admit that this doesn’t feel quite real. Every time I look at Facebook or I see you all sharing our blog posts, I feel like I am watching someone else’s story. I see our faces and the first thought through my mind is, “This can’t really be happening.” I’ve seen so many stories of tragedy on social media in the past and I would read the stories and pray for the people, but I never imagined we would become a story one day. We are just a normal little family. Just living our lives. It just doesn’t seem real. But, here we are.

We arrived in Houston at around 6 pm today. We left the house excited about the road trip and the possibility of having some fun while we are here. The kids were excited about the opportunity for a few days of family time. While we were packing up, I received a very insightful text from my sweet friend, Paige Kirby. She is going through a similar situation with her husband who has been fighting cancer for over a year (maybe longer) so she knows exactly how I’m feeling.  She warned that the drive over here today could be very emotional for us. It is hard to put in to words the feeling of accepting that you are driving here not to visit someone else, but to be treated yourself. Boy, was she right. I didn’t really expect it. We were trying so hard to keep our minds on the good, but as we started to drive, the closer we got to Houston, the more emotion we felt. It didn’t help that Clay didn’t feel good today. His head hurt a lot. I had to pick up his test results from the BR General this morning and I read the surgeons notes from his review of the MRI. It is bleak. We truly need a miracle.

But, as the emotion grew stronger, my resolve grew stronger still. I turned up the worship music and we focused our thoughts on the Lord. Psalms talks about how David encouraged himself in the Lord.

Psalm 103: 1-2 “Praise the Lord, I tell myself; with my whole heart I will praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me.”

In all of David’s troubles, he encouraged himself in the Lord. I have a note in my Bible beside this verse that reads….

“Tozer said, ‘Stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself.'”

This is truth to me right now. If I was listening to myself, I would be sitting on a pile of ashes and yelling at God. Why me? Why Clay? Why now? This is not fair. I can just see it. All of my ugly flesh in all of its glory. My pride and self justification would be in full force. I would be just like Job, telling God all the great things I’ve done and all the reasons why Clay should be allowed to live. In our pride, we would be arguing with Him and asking Him to tell us what we had done to deserve this. So, this is why I refuse to listen to myself. I can’t afford to let my flesh have any place right now. I crucify it and beg the Holy Spirit to live in me.

We can take our cues here from David. He was a troubled soul, but he knew where His strength came from. He encouraged himself in the Lord by remembering the things God had done. By remembering His promises. By loving His word and mediating on it day and night.

Psalm 119:143, “Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me; yet thy commandments are my delights.”

David knew that his heart would be overcome with anguish unless he meditated on the Word. He loved the Word, which then was just the law. The Old Testament. We have so much more. We have Jesus and the complete Bible. We know the story of redemption and the way of salvation. We have an eternal hope of glory. We have the New Testament and all of the teachings of the apostles. We have a mediator between God and man. Thank you, God, for giving us your Word that is alive. It is life to us right now. It is the only thing that can encourage our souls. So, tonight we are keeping our thoughts on this moment and praising God for all the good things He has done. We are filling our thoughts with His word and His unfailing love.

We are sitting out by the pool at our hotel, having dinner and the kids are swimming. Clay and I are laying on these awesome lounge chairs and the weather is perfect. While the kids swam we had time to talk about the emotions of the day. We have always been able to communicate really well.  I know that will be very important in the coming weeks and months. We choose to live in the moment. We choose to give God glory. We choose to trust His perfect plan for our lives. We choose to encourage ourselves in the Lord. Goodnight.

 

The Road Trip

Well, we’re on our way. We were able to stay home yesterday and rest. Clay took two naps. We had a few visitors who came to encourage us, but it was mostly a quiet day. I finished all the laundry and packed our bags. We were up pretty late last night so we slept in a little and we’ve just been taking our time. We stopped to see a good friend in the hospital and then got on the road.

Many of you have asked about our kids. I will write more about them as soon as I am able, but I want you to know that they are incredibly strong. I’ve done a lot of reflecting these last few days, as you can imagine. I’ve thought several times about how my years of managing a career required my kids to be self-sufficient. The atmosphere that the Holy Spirit has created in our home has made them incredibly stable. We have kept them completely informed throughout this process. Not holding anything back. We’ve just felt from the beginning, that they need to be able to trust that we are not hiding information. I also have wanted them to be able to be with Clay as much as possible and I don’t want to constantly tell them to leave the room when we are talking. So, they are right in the middle of all of this with us. That’s why they are making the trip with us to MD Anderson.

We are excited about our family time for the next few days. Ice Skating, an Astros game and some shopping are in our near future and it will be so good to do something normal.

If the Lord has put it on your heart to pray for my kids, these are the things I’m praying:

That the Holy Spirit would shed abroad the love of God in their hearts. We have to love Him right now. They can’t be angry or bitter. They need to be filled with love.

That they would be rooted and grounded in the love of God.

That they would remain humbled by the love and affection they are receiving.

That they would be honest and open so we can help them and pray for them.

That they would feel the same peace that Clay and I are experiencing.

Thank you for praying for our trip. We are singing praise to God with all the music you’ve provided. We are eating up some serious data but we really don’t care at this point! Ha.

Please also pray today for the Lagarigue family. They are dear friends of ours who are in the hospital right now, possibly facing open heart surgery. We were able to visit them and pray with them this morning before we left. There are so many people in need. We have made a decision as a family to pray more for others while we walk through this time. Clay and I spent time Sunday am making a list of all the families in our church who need a miracle right now. We believe God is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we ask or imagine!

 

 

Introducing Our Blog!

Today, God sent this angel to my door. I have had several people ask me to start a blog because Facebook is not really the best way to communicate this much information. Well, all I had to do was whisper a prayer that God would help me accomplish this with everything else I have to do today. So, he sent me Beka Burch. She did all the heavy lifting and after just a few hours, we have created this beautiful blog.

Beka, you know I love you. God has given us a special bond. You were my answer to prayer. Thank you so much.

If you like the name of our blog, you should thank Clay’s cousin, Cory Harrington! He sent Clay a text the other day with a very similar tag line. It said something like, “See what God is doing with just a piece of Clay.” I just loved it, so I stole it for our blog name. Thank you, Corey, for all your encouraging words. Clay respects you immensely.

Please share our blog as much as you want. So many of you are writing me and encouraging me to continue to share. Thank you for letting me know what God is doing in your life as He works in and through Clay and me. Keep your stories coming. They are lifting us up right now. We are filled with hope.

Tonight, we are packing for MD Anderson. Our appointment is Thursday, so we are going to take the kids to have some fun. We had a restful day that was filled with more miracles and sweet moments. We love you all! Thank you for your continued prayers.

Prepared

Prepared. That is the word that has come to my mind the most this past week. Prepared. I know so well that God has prepared Clay and me to for this moment. The words He has spoken to us and the way He has challenged us over the past few years, in hindsight, has obviously been preparation for the greatest battle of our lives.

2 Timothy 2:20-21 says,

“Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready (prepared) for every good work.”

I’m sure you couldn’t help but notice that there are vessels of “Clay.” I’ll come back to that in a minute. God has been using this verse in my life for a few years. I’ve been crying out to Him to make me a vessel of gold and silver, a vessel of honor, prepared unto every good work. I would pray in the altar, “God, please make me prepared to do whatever you ever you put before me. Please don’t let me miss an opportunity for my life to bring you glory. Please don’t let me miss out on a blessing because I’m not prepared or I’m distracted. Of course, like you, I have missed out on so many things. There have been so many times that I chose my flesh, my feelings, over the will of God. Times where I put myself first. Times where I was lazy, rather than diligent. Times where I was just playing church and not really seeking God. But, I prayed this prayer from an honest heart…over and over again.

You know how the Bible talks about how trials bring us closer to God? Trials develop our faith. I would read scripture, or listen to my pastor speak about how every Christian goes through trials because that is the development of our walk with the Lord. It is how He receives His glory through our lives. Clay and I have lived a blessed life. From our childhoods, we have both been abundantly blessed with Godly parents, Godly friends, we both had great career paths, we found each other and fell madly in love on our first date, we always had everything we needed, we have three beautiful kids….we are just so blessed. And, while, of course, we dealt with ordinary problems, we really have only faced a few significant trials in our life.

I remember one time we went to see our Pastor to talk about some things God was showing us and I told him that sometimes I fear that we are not walking with the Lord the way we should because we are not tested often. We live a blessed life, rather than a life of trials and I wondered what that meant. Does that mean we aren’t making enough of an impact on the world for Satan to be concerned about us, so he just leaves us alone to live our little Christian life that is not impacting anyone. Sometimes I wondered if it meant that we were not even close to where we needed to be. Like we had possibly deceived ourselves into thinking that we were saved and living for the Lord.

So in the midst of my questioning, God showed up. Like He always does. Right? A few years ago, He took us through something difficult. During the process, Clay and I were talking one night about how, at the time, it was the hardest thing we had faced, but we were strong and our marriage was strong and our faith was strong and the Lord was closer than ever. We didn’t feel a heaviness or fear. We were rejoicing. And the Holy Spirit just spoke to us right then and said,

“My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

He taught us through that trial that because of His strength, the yoke can be easy. Just because it is the most difficult thing we’ve done, doesn’t mean that we have to feel a heavy burden. We don’t have to be crushed under the weight. We can soar because he is holding the burden for us.

So, we made it through our struggle and we were closer to the Lord for it. God changed my heart during that time and He caused me to trust Him more. He confirmed my faith, He confirmed the strength of our marriage, and He showed me that He was with us in times of blessings or in times of trial. Do you feel so ridiculous when you realize that you’ve questioned God? I just felt so ridiculous, but He forgave me and loved me and drew me closer and we walked on together.

Now, that we are in our greatest trial and we are completely desperate, God is making Himself known to us more than ever. He has transformed us from vessels of clay to vessels of gold and silver. And, not for our glory. Not for our pride. Not so we can receive attention. Believe me, we don’t want any of that. We would never have chosen this. But to be a vessel of gold means to be a vessel of honor and that is what we have prayed for….that our lives would bring honor to God. Glory to God. That the watching world would see Jesus through us and through our situation. As you read this, or hear us talk, please remember that all we want is for Jesus to be glorified. He is doing this. Not us. There is nothing good in us. Even the things we think are good are not good.

Clay’s cousin, Cory Harrington, sent him a text yesterday about how encouraged he was to see what God is doing. He said, “See, God really can use a little lump of Clay.” I’ll never forget that. If I write a book one day about this situation, that just might be the title. God is using Clay…that is for sure. He is in God’s hands and God is the potter. He is making the vessel that He wants to see and the vessel that will bring Him the most glory.

Yesterday we sang the song “Redeemed” at church. One of the lines says, “I’m not who I used to be.” That’s how we feel right now. We never want to go back to what we were before this. Clay might even have to change his name when God heals him because he is no longer a vessel of clay, he is a vessel of gold, fully prepared for this good work for which God has called us. We pray constantly that God will keep us from sin and pride during this time. That we will remain, in every way, a vessel of honor.

But we are not of those who draw back unto perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul. Amen.

A Hedge of Protection

There is no way to fully describe what happened in my home today. We saw a living example of what the Body of Christ should be. It was lived out before our eyes. I had been praying all morning that God would give us strength not to just crumble in front of everyone, because I felt so humbled when I learned what our church was planning to do. While I had to choke back tears for the first few minutes, God did so much more than I asked. He filled me with such joy and excitement. I was almost giddy. I just kept saying, “This is crazy!” I have never in my life seen or heard about anything like this, much less experienced it myself. Clay and I were talking after and trying to determine what was more special….our wedding day, or today. Seriously.

May 7-9

When the news of our diagnosis first made it out to our friends, it was around 5:30 this past Tuesday. By 6:30, 60-70 people were at our church just to pray for our family. On Wednesday night, at our regular church service, the Lord moved in such an awesome way and our church was praying diligently for many needs. Praying over each other. Crying out to the Lord in desperation for each other. At that service, the Lord put it on my dear friend’s heart to ask the church to come to my house and pray for us. The Lord showed her Job 1:10 (Clay’s birthday is 1/10…cool, huh?)

“Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.”

May 7-12

She felt the Lord told her to have the church surround our house in a circle, as if to represent a hedge around us, and pray. People started arriving around noon. It was a beautiful day, so our front doors were wide open as many people came in. We started by singing some worship songs together, which was so beautiful. There is nothing like hearing people sing when they are emotional and passionate and in an enclosed area. I could have listened to them all day.

Then our awesome friends and family gathered around us and prayed hard for Clay Furlow and our family. Then, Clay preached. (He’s kind of been doing that a lot lately!) The Lord spoke powerfully through Him as He shared the importance of putting Jesus first, living for Him, having the power of the Holy Spirit, and loving Him more than this world.

As if that wasn’t enough, then they made a “human hedge” around our house. There were literally people encircling my ENTIRE house, swimming pool and all! Holding hands to make a circle and praying for our family. Beseeching God on our behalf.

I thought my chest would explode. There were probably 100 people (maybe more) giving up time on their Saturday to worship the Lord with us and to pray for us. Wow.

Friends, this is what the church should be. This is what God intended the church to be. The church should be such a testimony of love that the world would look in and say, “I want to be part of something like that.” We should be representing the love of God, agape love. That is what happened at my home today. All of us, gathered in one accord, worshipping the same God and letting Him change our lives forever.

If you need a church home and you live in Baton Rouge, I can promise you that you will be abundantly blessed if you came to First New Testament. The website is fntchurch.org. Please come and see what the Lord is doing. He is a miracle God and He is changing our lives through this time. He is bringing revival. His love was on display today. Service starts at 10:30 am!

I told my pastor when he arrived, that as I’ve walked through this trial, I hear his voice in my head over and over again. The Holy Spirit is bringing back to my thoughts so many things that I have learned under his teaching in the past 14 years. Most of what God is pouring out of me right now was invested in me by my pastor and other great leaders in our church. He doesn’t want any glory. He is the most humble man I know, but the glory belongs to God and the work Lee Shipp has allowed God to do in his life. If we had not been under his teaching for the past 14 years, I firmly believe we would not have been as prepared for this trial. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you for being obedient. Thank you, church, for loving us the way you do and being obedient to what the Lord said. We are covered in prayer and ready for next week.

Remember

Several months ago, the Lord began speaking to me regarding our young people in our church. He put a burning inside of me to see revival in our youth and to support and encourage the parents of our young people. He put a message in my heart, confirmed it in Clay and our pastor allowed us to share it with the families of our young people. We had two absolutely beautiful times in which we came together as families to pray and seek the Lord. I never really knew why God picked me and Clay Furlow. I would ask Him, “Lord, why are you putting this desire in us?” We are not youth leaders, we are not Sunday School teachers. We have 2 teenagers in the youth group, but we are not in a leadership role. But, I KNEW in my heart that we were supposed to teach and share with the families. So, we did. Clay was right by my side and in full agreement and we stepped out in faith to do what God told us to do.

Little did we know that the message the Lord brought through us, would be the same message that would sustain us now.

Psalm 78:5-11
He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children,
that the next generation might know them,
the children yet unborn,
and arise and tell them to their children,
so that they should set their hope in God
and not forget the works of God,
but keep his commandments;
and that they should not be like their fathers,
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
a generation whose heart was not steadfast,
whose spirit was not faithful to God.
The Ephraimites, armed with the bow,
turned back on the day of battle.
They did not keep God’s covenant,
but refused to walk according to his law.
They forgot his works
and the wonders that he had shown them.

God has established a testimony in us. When we are saved, He puts His life in us and He works through us. It is important for us to impart that testimony to our children so the generations will know Him and serve Him. So they will set their hope in God and NOT FORGET the works of God.

The Lord really burned this in my heart….that we must recall the works of God so that we don’t forget. The verse above talks about the soldiers who went in to battle, fully armed, but they turned back in fear because they forgot the things God had done. Their fathers were the men who walked across the Red Sea and saw the miracles of the Exodus. Just one generation after those incredible miracles, the people were already forgetting. When it was time for battle, they didn’t trust God to deliver them, so they ran in fear. I don’t want to run in fear. What a shame to walk with the Lord and see great miracles and then when the fires come, to just forget and run. God help us.

So, how do we prevent this in our lives? Recall. Remember. Ponder. Think on all the things God has done in your life. The Bible is filled with stories that show us the miracle working ability of our God, but our lives are also full of those stories. Take a minute and think back over your life. Look at the path of your life and ask the Lord to remind you of His works. Write them down. The Lord told Moses, just before he died, to write the testimonies in a book for Joshua. They had just defeated the Amalekites by a miracle of God and God told Moses to write it down as a permanent record and to read it to Joshua. God knew that Moses was about to die and Joshua would be alone and responsible to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land. God knew that Joshua would have many trials and days of trouble. He knew that Joshua would need encouragement. So, He provided Joshua with a way to remember. To remember the miracles of God that would encourage him in the battles to come. If God did it before, He can surely do it again.

So, Clay and I wrote our story. We drew it like a pathway of our lives and we recalled every time God had done something great. While we were in the hospital this week, almost every time I just closed my eyes to retreat and be quiet, the image of this pathway would come to my mind. God was helping me remember that He has done so much for us already and He will continue. Our steps are ordered and He delights in every detail of our lives.

I pulled out my notes from the Sunday when we shared this message with our church families and I found Clay’s notes for what the Lord had put in his heart to share. This will really bless you. He read Lamantations 3:19-26

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men.”

These are his hand written notes:

“Jeremiah’s remembrance of God’s faithfulness brings him hope in times of distress.”
“This is a made up mind focused on all that God has done through you and for you, seeing how He has moved in times past in your life.”
“Looking back and remembering the prayers that He has already answered brings to the forefront of your mind all the successes he has allowed you to experience. This will allow you to declare, no matter what your current circumstance is, GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS.”

Isn’t that amazing? It is so encouraging to me as I sit in the quiet this morning, that God prepared us to face this battle. And a battle it is. A battle we never dreamed we would actually fight. He prepared our hearts to face it with hope, with encouragement, with steadfastness, with thankful hearts. He reminded us of all the things He’s done, which gives us strength to trust Him to do what we need right now. Our lives have been covered in God’s favor, since our childhood. We know He is a good father and a loving God. We trust His unfailing love.

I encourage you today to remember. Ask the Lord to bring you back and show you the things He’s done. Write them down. Draw your own pathway. Recall. You will be amazed how much hope it will give you. You think you can just recall it, but I promise that if you will write it down and ponder it, the Holy Spirit will remind you of the smallest things that will mean so much to you. When you face your battle, God will use this to give you hope.

As always, your prayers are holding us up and you are ministering to us so much every moment. We wouldn’t want to face this battle without all of you around us. We love you and we are praying for you, too. For God to bless you as you bless us. Clay is doing well. He’s feeling fine, other than a minor headache at times. He’s encouraged by all the visits. We continue to wait until Monday for our confirmation from MD Anderson, but we are planning to leave on Monday morning for Houston, believing that God will answer our prayer for an appointment Tuesday. We are not sure about our insurance, yet, so please continue to bring that to the Lord with us. Praise God for all He has done.IMG_2464

Getting Closer to MDA

Just a quick update because I’ve had several people asking (thank you so much for being concerned):

I spoke with MD Anderson today and got confirmation that the head of neurosurgery has accepted Clay Furlow as a patient. They are working now to confirm our insurance. And, I have a little angel (Ashley Stanley Kellett) at BCBS waiting for our paperwork to come across so she can help expedite it, if possible. God has been so faithful at every turn.

They couldn’t confirm our appointment, but the doctor only sees patients on Tues and Thurs. They will call me Monday to confirm a time. So, we’ve decided that we are going to leave Monday morning, IN FAITH, and just believe God that He will make everything happen in His perfect timing. But, we’ll be there and ready if they take us on Tuesday.

We love you, all. We are so humbled by the way you are praying so earnestly for our family. I’ll give you another update soon on what God is continuing to do in our hearts.

But, I have to go because we have sweet friends visiting. Your visits and gifts have blessed us so much. I’ll never be able to tell you!

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Count It All Joy

James 1:2-7, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double- minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

I remember about 14 years ago, I was sitting on my couch in my kitchen in the first house that Clay and I built. The kids were babies. Ben wasn’t even a thought. And I was a struggling working mom who could never make up her mind…should I work, should I stay home? Am I living in your will for my life, Lord? It was a constant struggle in my heart because I wanted so badly to be in God’s will. The Lord brought me to this scripture that morning and when I read the words “tossed by the wind” and “he will (not) receive anything from the Lord,” God truly settled my heart. I remember that it was like I could feel a steadiness. He reassured me that I was in His will and I should walk in confidence and allow Him to use me where I was.

The Lord has brought me back to that scripture so many times over the years. But today, He showed me the verse just before that….Count it all joy when you meet trials because they produce steadfastness which makes you complete. I can tell you this morning that I completely know what this means. I have read the scriptures so many times in which different men of God encourage us that trials are good for the development of our faith and I would say that I knew that was true. I didn’t really know until now. Now, it makes sense. Now, it’s like the words are popping off the page and I can’t put my Bible down because every time I turn the page, I’m like, “Yes! I get it! Amen!”

The world could never understand how, in our darkest moment, in our deepest trial, in our total despair, God is making us glad. He is giving us joy. He has given us an opportunity like no other. An opportunity to repent. To see our wrong. To be completely stripped of pride. To come face to face with ourselves and know that only by the power of Jesus Christ will we ever live and overcome. I would absolutely be a basket case right now if it were not for the Holy Spirit living in me.

This morning, Clay and I were laying in bed praying, repenting, thanking God for what He is doing. Accepting what He’s given us. Really, we were even thanking Him for choosing us. We believe this is a calling. He has anointed us and prepared us to do this. I don’t think Facebook would let me type as much as I could tell you about how the Lord has been reminding us of the path of our lives and how He has done everything to lead us to this moment. Anyway, we were praying. Clay started to pray and he said these words,

“Lord, thank you that I now know what it means to have a foretaste of glory divine. You’ve given me that today.”

I almost collapsed. But, I was already laying down. wink emoticon Isn’t that amazing. Can you imagine saying that? People want to know why Clay isn’t angry. Why isn’t he screaming at God like Job did from his ashes. Why aren’t we running frantically all over the world trying to find a cure? Because the peace of God passes all understanding. We are at complete peace. We were reading Job this morning and in 14:5, is says,

“You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live and we are not given a minute longer.”

We both just stopped and meditated on that thought for several minutes. Notice that is says MONTHS. Why doesn’t it say years? It says MONTHS. Because that’s what I needed to hear from God today to encourage my soul. His Word is alive. It is Jesus. He speaks to us through it.

I will close with this.

Hebrews 10:35-39

“Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,
Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay;
but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him.
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.”

Clay and I have known the Lord all our lives. He has been faithful for 45 years. How could we throw away our confidence now? How could we think He is not with us now? Would he just suddenly leave? No! We count it joy that He is closer now than ever before, helping us in our infirmity and living through us to accomplish so much more than we could ever do on our own. We will NOT turn back. We will love Him, no matter what. We will praise Him, no matter what.

If you read this post and you have even one single thought to yourself that Clay and I are “strong” or “inspiring” or whatever word you might choose. Please know this. Clay and I are broken, prideful, selfish, sinful, disgusting people, if left to ourselves. There is nothing good in us. Nothing. The testimony is that God is helping us crucify our flesh everyday and enabling us to allow the Holy Spirit to live through us. We’ve prayed for this for years and now we are living it. And, it is worth it. It is all worth it. To know Jesus more and for our lives to make a difference in the world. If you want the Lord to do this work in your heart, read Ephesians 3:14-21. I’m not going to give it to you. You have to go search it out yourself. Pray this scripture. Bow your knee. Ask God to grant you an empowered spirit. He will do it. And, I promise, you will be glad.

We love you, all. We can’t express how loved we feel and how surrounded we are. It gives us strength to carry on. Keep sending us stories and testimonies. It is amazing to see how God is bringing revival, which is what we prayed for. Amen.