7 am this morning: The Neurosurgeon’s Resident came in and woke us up out of a deep sleep. I sat up and was working hard to just put two words together. I couldn’t even keep my eyes open yet. I heard her say, “Mr. Furlow, do you know where you are?” Right away, Clay replied, “Sure. I’m at MD Anderson in Houston.” I practically leapt off the bed, but instead I just started kissing him all over his face. The doctor was laughing at me, which means she couldn’t really understand how good it was for me to hear those words. You see, the hardest side effect of the surgery is that the anesthesia and morphine, added to the fact that they dug around in Clay’s brain for 8 hours, caused him to have short term memory issues. We’ve laughed a lot, but the truth is, I have been a little disturbed by it. I just want him to be here with us and when he was struggling to remember what happened a few minutes ago, it was sad to me. We’ve handled it really well. He laughs a lot but I was ready for that side effect to pass. For the past few days, his reply to the question, “Do you know where you are?” has included St. Jude, Nashville, Tennessee, Baton Rouge, Memphis, Lane Memorial in Zachary, Woman’s Hospital, Hawaii and the Baton Rouge General. It has been the hardest question to answer. Plus, the time that he has been the most confused is when he first wakes up from a good sleep. So, he had his wits about him before I even had mine this morning. I was ecstatic.

The Occupational Therapist and Physical Therapist have come by today and they are so excited about how well Clay is doing. He is walking, climbing stairs, putting on his own clothes, holding good conversations, remembering everything that is happening, remembering the staff names, and he even wrote for the first time this morning. When the OT asked him to write something, this is what he chose…

Amen. He does certainly know the plans He has for us. God is restoring Clay so quickly. I firmly believe that his life was saved this week. Had we not been here when we were, and had a doctor that quickly recognized concerning symptoms, we might not have ever made it home. It was that serious, y’all. God’s hand was all over us. He was ordaining every step and leading us to the exact place He needed us to be. There is such a peace in knowing Jesus.

Yesterday and today have been a little difficult for Clay. He has been emotional, as I mentioned yesterday. The scar seems really big right now and it is a huge reality check every time he looks in the mirror. But, even in his sadness, he has never accused God or been angry at God. He just keeps saying, “He knows what He’s doing, baby. He knows.” He has asked me if I know what God is doing. Of course, I can’t see the whole picture. None of us can. But, praise God, He can see everything. He knew when He made me and Clay in our mothers’ wombs that we would be sitting here right now. He always knew that He created us to walk through this trial. And, why you ask? For His names’ sake. For His glory. That’s what everything is about. We can’t see our lives with physical eyes. We must see our life through a spiritual perspective. Everything is about eternity. And, because all of you have showered us with so much love and support, we know that God is using our testimony. He is using it in many lives and people are being drawn to a closer walk with Jesus because of the testimony He is writing in our lives.

2 Corinthians 1: 3-11 says,

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”

I feel like I could have written this scripture. I know exactly what Paul means. He is the God of comfort. When we are afflicted, He is nearer than ever and He helps us in our infirmities. We are living this truth right now. It is amazing to be facing such a mountain and to be filled with peace and praise. Paul knew that he was suffering for the sake of the church. I honestly believe that Clay and I are suffering right now for your sake. Of course, God is working in us. He is revealing Himself and bringing us to a new place in our walk with Him. He has brought repentance and healing of our hearts. But, He is also working in you. I know because you are telling me. Many of you have messaged me and told me how much God is speaking to you through this situation. Let me tell you, it is the Holy Spirit at work. When I sit down to write these posts, I type the words the first time and I don’t change a thing. I’ve prayed for the Holy Spirit to speak through me and that’s exactly what He’s doing. So, I beg you to listen. To receive. To allow Him to work. In this scripture, Paul recalls his time in Asia as a death sentence. They were utterly burdened beyond strength, but God used it to teach them not to rely on themselves, but to trust God. Clay and I have learned this lesson and are praying that He will allow us to continue to share our story so that you can be encouraged to lean on God in whatever trial you are currently experiencing.

The last part is my favorite….so that MANY will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. I’m praying that at the end of our story, there will be a huge celebration for many people who have been healed, including Clay, and a time of testimony for people to share how their lives have been changed. This will be granted to us through the prayers of many. You get to take part in all of our blessings because you are constantly lifting us up in prayer. And, we feel it. We know how hard you have prayed and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for it. Clay has had several visits, even though we are so far from home. Here are a few from yesterday…

Long time, good friends, Michael and Jason, visited from Beaumont and Fort Worth. Stephanie brought Andrew to see Ben and she took Ben home for us. What a blessing. He was getting a little stir crazy so it was the perfect solution for everyone. Andy brought us Pappadeaux Seafood for lunch. Delicious! He even entertained Sam and Grace in the evening and let them stay at his house. Clay’s cousin, Kelli, came by and really cheered him up. The visits are helping him so much. It shows him how loved he is and helps him to stay encouraged.

Today, we had a precious visit from our church friends, Anna, Hannah and Ingrid. The staff has been cheering him up and his nurse even prayed for him. Awesome!

Here it is….the scar! We’ve decided that it looks like a baseball seam and that makes it pretty cool. Dr. Weinberg, pictured with Clay above, is the amazing surgeon that put that mark on Clay’s head. We are happy to have it and we are thanking God that He brought this man into our lives for such a time as this. God used Dr. Weinberg to prolong Clay’s life. He is a gentle, caring, compassionate man who is gifted beyond belief to perform amazing tasks everyday. And, considering he is the top Neurosurgeon in the world, he is very humble. We love him and are so grateful for what he has done for us.

God has proven to be our comforter and our strength. We are praising Him today.

Because Clay is doing so well, we will most likely travel home tomorrow. They are preparing our discharge papers tonight so we can leave as soon as we get up. The mornings are his best time, so it will be the best time to be on the road. Everyone went home yesterday, except Sam and Grace. They stayed with us and my awesome cousin, Andy, and his wife, Brooke, let them sleep at their house last night. I’m so glad they stayed. Clay’s face lit up when they got here today. They’ll be able to help me with him on the way home. We are praying for little traffic, no pain, and safe travels tomorrow.

I am threatening to write a post that is just a list of the funny things Clay has done and said. If we have time, Sam and Grace are going to help me with it tonight. So, be on the lookout if you need a good laugh later. We love you all and thank you so much for your continued prayers. God is working. Be assured. Amen.

Today was a long and wonderful day, filled with several different emotions. Thankfully, we were able to sleep well last night, so we woke up refreshed. The Neurosurgeon came by early and showed me the results of the MRI, which were fantastic. It was a great way to start our day. We both felt very encouraged that this has given us a completely different outlook. We are still on a difficult path, but we are praising God for the miracle of a successful surgery. The kids arrived and Clay was so happy to see them. He was on morphine, so he got pretty loopy for a while. We laughed so hard at him trying to tell us stories and things that “happened” last night. It’s a good thing I haven’t left his side because we would really be wondering about what sorts of things go on at MD Anderson if we had to believe his stories! The doctors assure us that this will all wear off in a few more days and we’ll be back to normal. They also tell us that he will feel much better than he felt prior to the diagnosis, considering the release of fluid pressure and the steroids.

We have had a long few days at this hospital. You can imagine. We weren’t prepared for surgery and we are still processing the fact that we are in this situation, at all. So, the normal tendency for a person in Clay’s situation would be for them to feel frustration, loss of patience, maybe even anger. I have been so honored to be by Clay’s side during this time. Even under the influence of steroids, which normally make people highly irritable, he has been the sweetest thing. He has thanked every nurse or doctor that has helped him. Rather than being irritated by all the poking and sticking and interrupting, he has been so thankful and helpful to the staff. He asks each one to tell him their names and he honestly tries to remember. Last night, our nurse had to accompany us to the MRI. So, we had lots of time to talk. She was telling us her story and she mentioned that she was in the military. Right away, Clay said, “Thank you for your service. Really. I want to make sure you know how much I appreciate it.” She just replied sweetly with a thank you. Late this afternoon, she came back to the room and he, apparently, had forgotten that we had that conversation. She mentioned being in the military and I reminded him that she told us last night. He said, “Oh. I’m sorry I don’t remember talking about that, but did I thank you for your service?” Of course, he had.

He has had an abundance of patience. We waited for our MRI last night for over an hour. He was uncomfortable and nervous about doing it, again, but he just waited so patiently. He smiled at the staff every time they came near. I really can’t remember a time that he complained through this entire ordeal. He has thanked me so many times. He tells all the nurses how wonderful I am and he constantly asks me if I’m doing ok. “How are you handling all this? Are you ok emotionally?” He asks me regularly how the kids are doing….how I REALLY think the kids are doing. He is asking about people at home who we know are sick and dealing with situations. Tonight I was getting him settled in the bed and he asked me to leave his arm uncovered so it would be easy for the nurse to get to him when she comes to give him medicine.

Now, I’m not trying to paint a perfect picture of my husband. He is human and he has a flesh that he battles, just like all of us. And, I’ll be the first to tell you that he definitely battles his flesh on normal occasions. God started dealing with his heart immediately when we got this diagnosis. There has been much repentance and confession to the Lord. (I’ll save that for a later blog post that he will have to co-author because I really want him to share the things the Lord is doing in him. But that’s his story to tell.) So, he is not perfect. But what I’m so amazed at, is how the Holy Spirit is producing the fruits of the Spirit in him while he walks in surrender to the Lord. You all know the fruits of the Spirit, explained in Galatians 5:16-25

^“16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. ¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, ²¹ envy,^[d] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ²⁴ And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.²⁵ If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.”

Walking in the Spirit produces Love, which produces all these other fruits. As Clay has been pressed into this difficult time, the love of God is coming out of him. His love for Jesus is so evident. My dad was here with us early this morning and Clay was sitting up in the chair. It got quiet for a minute and he just started talking about how much he loves the Lord. He said, “How do people go through something like this without Jesus? He is so good to us. I love Him with all my heart. He is sustaining me right now.” He was encouraging himself in the Lord and it was neat to see. His love for God is now producing all the fruits he needs in order to honor God in his time of trial. He is patient (this is probably the biggest miracle because he struggles with this normally.) He is joyful and at total peace. He has been exceedingly gentle. Always smiling at the staff and trying to help them as they help him. He is soft spoken and sweet. He has been kind and full of goodness. It really is a miracle to watch this happen. Clay accepted the path God chose for him, and God has given him the grace to walk it out. The staff have been so complimentary of him and it has made my job a lot more pleasant. I’ve always told him I would take care of him in sickness, I just never knew it would be this enjoyable.

An old family friend came to visit today and it brought back a lot of good memories from Clay’s childhood. He talked about how he has thought of all those friends and those good times of his childhood and young adult years. He was so touched by the visit. If you don’t know this already, it might be a shock, but Clay is normally a loner. He loves that his office is private, he would prefer to be with just me than anyone else, he likes to eat alone, he doesn’t really like crowds, and he has never needed attention. God has used this experience to give him a renewed love for the body of Christ. The visits and the time he has spent with people has encouraged him so much. He told his friend today that it is making a tremendous difference in his strength to walk through this. We both have a full appreciation for our need for the body of Christ….for the encouragement of others.

He was getting tired so everyone left and we came back to the room to take a nap. When he woke up, he was disoriented (side effect of the meds) and he started to get a little panicked. The wrap on his head was very tight and starting to make him feel claustrophobic. I immediately started praying with him and trying to help him work through it. Right at that moment, our Pastor called us. It was great timing because Clay was starting to feel very emotional. Pastor Lee just reminded us that God desires to comfort us in our grief. Grief is normal and it is ok. Feeling grief does not mean that we are being unfaithful to God or that we are sinning. God wants to comfort us, so it’s ok to feel some grief. As he was saying those words, I was imagining how much I love to comfort my children. When one of them has gotten disappointed or their feelings are hurt, I absolutely LOVE to be able to hug them and console them. Of course, I don’t want them to hurt, but if they have to hurt, I want to be the one to love them through it. That’s how God feels toward us. He longs to comfort us. We can feel grief and be sad for a moment, as long as we bring it to him. That’s exactly what we did. We just prayed together, with Pastor Lee, and thanked God for all he’s done, but let him know that we are grieving and we need to feel his arms of love. Of course, He came immediately and comforted us.

While we were on the phone with Pastor Lee, the nurse came and removed the head wrap. This was a big moment. Clay was nervous about what it would look like and how it would feel. The scar is much better than I anticipated. It is a large semi-circle on the right side of his head. Since he was already mostly bald, we don’t have to mourn the loss of any hair. He was nervous to see it, so I just described it to him and reassured him that it is so much better than he thinks. Finally, after a while, he looked. Clay is not a vain person, so he does not care about the looks. He is already prepared for the fact that people are going to stare at it. He’s fine with that. I think it just made everything feel so real. As long as it was covered, we could pretend this isn’t really happening. Now that the scar is exposed, the reality began to sink in. So, we cried. And, guess what? It was fine. After a while, we started to remember the great things God has done and we started to talk about all of you. We reminded ourselves that God is receiving great glory and honor from this testimony and that we have been confident from the beginning that this is His will. The Holy Spirit comforted us and we settled down for the night.

Clay is sleeping now. He is resting well. The scar won’t get covered up again. It will be visible for all to see. And every time I look at it I’m going to hear Grace in my mind saying, “That’s ok. It will just be a reminder to us of all that God has done.” Amen.

If you are walking through a difficult situation tonight, please be reminded that God is near to the brokenhearted. He loves you and is waiting to comfort you. Get that picture of a loving father just waiting for his child to run to his arms for comfort in a time of disappointment or need. If you will look to Him, He will comfort you. And, it’s ok to grieve. It’s ok to cry. We don’t have to always be strong. We can be human and let Jesus pick up the pieces of our hearts. This is when we truly learn to let Him live through us.

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Amen. Let Him bind your wounds tonight.

 

Well, Clay is now one of the few people I know that can say he has had brain surgery. We came to MDA with very little hope and we certainly did not expect surgery this fast. We didn’t even bring any clothes to the hospital with us yesterday. We fully expected to see the doctor and then have a few other appointments and go back to the hotel.

The situation became an emergency very quickly. From the time we arrived at 10:30, to the time they admitted Clay to the ER at 1:00, he had significantly declined. He started to look sick, which had not happened yet. The doctor recognized that we didn’t have much time and told me that he would slip into a coma before too long so the surgery was needed immediately. Dr. Gummadi comforted me with his voice of agreement and we consented. 12 hours later they were taking him to the OR for a craniotomy. A large team of doctors and nurses surrounded him as they wheeled him away. I had a total peace that he would be fine.

Then the wait began. They gave updates every 2 hours. Ben was our little timer. He would watch the clock and say, “Mom, it’s almost time for an update.” The staff was wonderful. The doctor even asked about us! At around 3, I guess, they came to get me because Clay was having a hard time waking up. I was able to go in and help them calm him down. I actually wasn’t much help, which was disappointing. He wanted out of the bed and was confused. The meds finally wore off and he settled down. When I came back in and got close to his face, his eyes look up and he said, in the sweetest voice, “Heeeyyyy.” That made me feel so much better.

We were in recovery for a while. The kids could only see him for a minute. It was hard for them to see their dad in the bed. He has a huge bandage on his head but otherwise he looks normal. They handled it all very well. I know I keep saying this, but my kids are amazingly strong.

Dr. Weinberg is the top neurosurgeon at MDA. All the others work for him. MDA is the top cancer hospital in the world. So, I just kept thanking God yesterday that we were in the most capable human hands possible. Of course, all of this is in God’s hands, but if He is going to use a partner to help with Clay’s situation, He picked a pretty good one! I’m overwhelmed to think that we got the best surgeon in the world. Well, he lived up to high expectations. This picture is the before and after.

 

 

The left picture is the MRI from BR. Look how big that thing is! The cysts were like water balloons. All the white that you see is cancer. The dark spots within the white is fluid. The cancer cells were producing the fluid. The mass on the right was blocking the spinal fluid from draining out of the brain and causing strong pressure headaches. The surgeon expected to be able to remove most of the mass on the right, which would release the fluid and pressure. But, he didn’t expect to get to the left.

Look at the after pic on the right! Look! All that dark space, that was white before, is empty space where he removed 80% of the tumor. He got way over to the left hand side and was able to drain those cysts and remove a good portion of the cancer. It is a miracle. We prayed God would guide the surgeon’s hands and he answered our prayer in abundance. Even the doc was surprised at the success. That’s because all of you were praying so hard.

The next step is for Clay to recover. They say the worst part will be the incision, which is a question mark shaped incision that covers the right side of his head. When I showed the kids how big it is, Grace said, “That’s ok. It will be a constant reminder of what God did.” Amen. I love that girl.

We actually slept pretty  good. My body couldn’t go anymore so we slept hard. The staff has been wonderful. Clay woke up and had breakfast in bed…spoiled! He has bathed and walked the floor already. Right now he’s sitting in his portable rocking chair provided by Jimmy Cook! He is having some delusions that are providing entertainment. The doctors reassure us constantly that it is totally normal so we’ve started laughing about it. He’s been making lots of jokes and is handling it all very well.

We are still taking this one day at a time. We are loving Jesus and thanking him for all the miracles along the way and we are trusting Him to continue to hold us in His hands. The doctor says there is no cure for this. The surgery is a temporary removal that bought us time. We will begin exploring treatment options and clinical trials in about two weeks once he has recovered. We will believe the report of the Lord and we will continue to give Him glory. It is so obvious that He has orchestrated every step so how could we not trust Him? Thank you for your prayers. Clay and I pray for y’all everyday. Our prayer is that God is working in your life as you see how He is sustaining us through such a difficulty. He is real, guys! He is real. Praise Him today.

 

 

 

Surgery has started. We have had wonderful staff and doctors. Everyone here has been so good to us. The timing has been perfect and we have not had one problem. We only slept a few hours, but we are thankful that the surgery got scheduled so quickly, so it’s fine. We won’t hear an update until 10 am and he will be in there until, at least, 1 pm.

As I suspected, watching them wheel my husband away from me was the hardest thing I’ve done, yet. Not because I’m afraid, but because I miss him already. I just want to be with him. The kids want to be with him. These next five hours are going to be exceedingly long. Let me attempt to tell you why…

Ephesians 5:23, 25 says,

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and He is the savior of the body. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

Clay and I had a conversation about this just a few weeks ago, well before we had any idea what was about to happen. When I read this scripture one day, I really thought about how the relationship between a husband and a wife is meant to be a picture of the relationship with Jesus and the church. The picture should be one of love and support, undying affection, total intimacy, trust, completeness, and more. I recently read in a book that some people don’t associate with this reference of Christ and the church because they have not experienced this type of love in their marriage. I was thanking Clay for loving me the way he does because it helps me understand the way Jesus loves me.

Since the minute we realized that we were made for each other, Clay has adored me. Just ask anyone that knows us very well. He gets teased a lot by his friends because he would rather be with me than do anything else. He always considers me above himself. He waits for me patiently. He is affectionate toward me, always making me feel protected. He stares at me. Seriously. We’ve been married for 17 years and the man still stares at me. We will be sitting in the same room, and I will totally be tuned out to him for several minutes. Then I’ll look up and he’ll just be staring at me with the most affectionate look on his face. He loves me. And, I promise, it is not because I am easy to love. It is because he loves the Lord and God has created this beautiful love for me inside of him. It’s because we are one person.

He told me the other day that he needed some time alone. I said, “Ok. I’ll go downstairs for a while.” He said, “No. I want you to stay.” To which I replied, “Um, you just said you wanted to be alone.” In the most sincere and matter-of-fact voice he said, “Yea, but being with you is the same as being alone. We’re the same person.” He says things like that all the time. For 17 years, he has showered me with that type of affection. I have never one single time doubted his love for me. I have never questioned if he is faithful to me. I have always known how he feels about me.

He is the same way with our kids. He plays with them. He pays attention to them. He listens to them. And, he takes time to tell them how he feels about them. They have never had to feel insecure about their father’s love for them.

As Satan has attacked the church and God’s kingdom over time, you can obviously see the things that he has attacked the hardest. One of them is the family. Marriage. The divorce rates are out of control and it is because Satan doesn’t want people to see that picture of the relationship of Jesus to the church. He doesn’t want us to be able to associate the love of Christ with something tangible. If our marriages are messed up and our husbands don’t know how to love their wives, then we have a harder time understanding how Jesus loves us. The enemy knows what he’s doing. Don’t let him win. Husbands, love our wives so they and your children can see this beautiful picture of the love of Christ.

So, as we laid in a very uncomfortable hospital bed together last night, we didn’t feel the need to pour out our hearts and say a bunch of stuff we’ve never said. We just snuggled and I thanked him for not waiting until now to let me know how he feels about me. Nothing is unsaid between us. Nothing. We didn’t have to apologize or make up or confess anything. All he has to do is look at me and I know exactly what he’s thinking. He’s spent the last 17 years showing me and telling me how he feels about me. There is nothing more to say.

I’m not telling you this to be sappy. I’m telling you this to implore you to love your family today. Husbands, love your wives. Make sure they know how much you love them. Love your children. Don’t leave words unsaid or affections unshown (I realize unshown is not a word, but it sounded better.) Take every opportunity to make sure the people in your life know exactly how you feel. Sacrifice for them. Put them ahead of yourself. Your actions speak much louder than your words. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I hope you can have this same feeling. I told Clay last night that he doesn’t have to say anything because I know exactly how he feels….I’ve always known.

I’m so glad that this is what I saw when I woke up this morning. We are here, as a family, doing this together. We found the perfect hotel that was a very reasonable rate and is only 10 miles from the hospital. We slept in a bit and just took our time getting ready. Clay and I had a sweet time with the Lord this morning. We read several things that some of you specifically gave us to read. We prayed for continued strength to do what we have to do.

We needed breakfast so, I googled “breakfast places near me” and the first thing that came up looked delicious. We agreed on it, armed ourselves with Clay’s support bracelets and headed out the door. His head was hurting a little and I thought he needed to eat.

The google instructions told us the restaurant was at the Galleria, so I intended to turn right out of our driveway and head toward the Galleria. But, something (the Holy Spirit) told me to turn left. I was thinking that it might take too long to go through the Galleria to get to a restaurant so I decided to turn left and just see what we found. As soon as I turned, Grace said, “Mom. There is it right there. The restaurant we wanted!” As I was pulling the car into the parking lot, I said to the kids, “Guys, do you see? Do you really see all the miracles God is doing. Even just the smallest things. He is answering prayers we are not even praying. He is parting waters in front of us. He has kept us from difficulty, frustration, and anger.” As those words were coming out of my mouth, there was only one parking spot in the entire lot and it was right at the front door. I just pulled into it and said, “See.”

We sat down to eat and Clay’s headache got worse and worse. Eventually he realized that he couldn’t stay. Right when we decided to leave, they were preparing our food. They packed it in to-go boxes for us and we brought it back to the hotel. As we were walking to the car, I was thinking, I’m going to need a bag in case he can’t make it to the hotel. (He was sick at his stomach.) I opened the car door and there was a bag laying in his seat. As soon as we arrived back at the hotel, we had to stop by the pool so he could sit and he got sick. Several people rushed to our aid. The hotel staff brought us everything we needed and were so kind to us.

The kids were able to sit down and eat a delicious breakfast. When we first stepped onto the patio of the pool area, it was hot and there was no breeze. I wanted to move Clay back inside because I could feel him sweating. Just as I was thinking he was going to get overheated, the patio became shaded and the wind started blowing. That was just what he needed. The wind. We sat down in some comfy chairs, in the shade, with the breeze blowing in our faces while the kids ate and he got his strength back. I don’t know if you saw my Facebook post earlier, but Clay is a big baseball fan. The kids enjoy going to the games and he really wanted to do that together while we are here. The Astros are playing the Indians at home today. Guess what time the game started? 1:10. Most of you already know why that is special. Clay’s birthday is 1/10 and many of our friends have set reminders in their phones to pray from him at 1:10 everyday. It’s just the little things that God keeps doing. I assure you, Clay couldn’t care less about a silly ballgame, but it was like the Lord was saying to us that He wanted us to have that time. Just a little reminder that He loves us.

He got his strength back and he wanted to go. Sam brought the car around (thank God he can drive and help me) and we left. We are close to Minute Maid and there was no traffic so it didn’t take long. I pulled up at the front and dropped him off with Grace and Ben. Sam came with me to park the truck. We drove about two blocks and pulled into a parking lot that was completely packed. I prayed out loud, “God, please help us find a parking spot. I’m worried about Clay and I want to get back to him as fast as possible.” Sam is my witness. As soon as I said those words, a parking lot attendant drove past me on a golf cart. He waived me down. I rolled my window down and he said, “You can just park right here. We’ll just make a spot for you.” Y’all, I’m not kidding. He let me park in the aisle!

The game wasn’t crowded at all, so we walked in and just sat in the first seats we saw because Clay was tired. We rested a bit, but then he wanted to go walk to our seats. As we started walking, his headache got worse and worse and he just sat down on the ground. Within one minute, the EMS team was there to help. I looked up and we were 10 steps from the First Aid office. They gave him a wheelchair and a plastic bag (which comes in really handy later!) and just checked him out. They wheeled us just outside their door and let us sit in a restricted area for wheelchairs. We got to watch several innings from those seats. But, he couldn’t make it very long. He was hurting worse. I could see that he was about to get frustrated. I knelt down beside him and just reminded him to encourage himself in the Lord. He’s told the kids for years that the way he dealt with fear when he was a child was to sing hymns to himself. Whenever he would say the name of Jesus and sing to Him, the fear would go away. I just reminded him of that. That’s exactly what he did and he remained very calm. We decided to go. The EMS team wheeled him all the way to the car for us. Amazing.

I hope this isn’t TMI, but I want you to see how amazing God is. He got sick on the way home. This is where the plastic bag comes in! Anyway, we’re all in the car. I’m driving. Clay is throwing up in the bag and he starts saying, “You sucker! You are not going to get the best of me. You can try as hard as you want, but you are not going to win.” Just imagine what God is showing my kids through this. Amazing. The sickness passes and he says, “I’m riding down the road holding a bag of puke!” The kids bust out laughing and we all just laugh together.

We turned up the worship music and Chris Tomlin’s song “Jesus, He loves me” comes on. We were all just singing it together. He loves us. We can be sure of that. He sees us. He is with us. He is near to the broken. We are broken and He is near. We are back at the hotel and he has been sleeping for a few hours. The kids have been completely silent so he can rest. They want to be near him, no matter what that means.

I hope you see that God is present, even in the smallest things. He hears our prayers and it is His desire to help us. Look for the little things in your life today. As you read this, reflect on your day and ask the Lord to remind you of all the things He did for you. Look for Him in your day. He is with you. His Word will sustain you, but it has to be in you. I hope tonight that you will choose to spend time in His Word. Prioritize that over anything else in your life. In order for His Word to come out of you when you are pressed, it has to be in there. I pray you will allow the Lord to deposit His Word into your life. Love Him. Seek Him. Read His Word. Let Him be near to you today.

If I’m being entirely honest with you, I have to admit that this doesn’t feel quite real. Every time I look at Facebook or I see you all sharing our blog posts, I feel like I am watching someone else’s story. I see our faces and the first thought through my mind is, “This can’t really be happening.” I’ve seen so many stories of tragedy on social media in the past and I would read the stories and pray for the people, but I never imagined we would become a story one day. We are just a normal little family. Just living our lives. It just doesn’t seem real. But, here we are.

We arrived in Houston at around 6 pm today. We left the house excited about the road trip and the possibility of having some fun while we are here. The kids were excited about the opportunity for a few days of family time. While we were packing up, I received a very insightful text from my sweet friend, Paige Kirby. She is going through a similar situation with her husband who has been fighting cancer for over a year (maybe longer) so she knows exactly how I’m feeling.  She warned that the drive over here today could be very emotional for us. It is hard to put in to words the feeling of accepting that you are driving here not to visit someone else, but to be treated yourself. Boy, was she right. I didn’t really expect it. We were trying so hard to keep our minds on the good, but as we started to drive, the closer we got to Houston, the more emotion we felt. It didn’t help that Clay didn’t feel good today. His head hurt a lot. I had to pick up his test results from the BR General this morning and I read the surgeons notes from his review of the MRI. It is bleak. We truly need a miracle.

But, as the emotion grew stronger, my resolve grew stronger still. I turned up the worship music and we focused our thoughts on the Lord. Psalms talks about how David encouraged himself in the Lord.

Psalm 103: 1-2 “Praise the Lord, I tell myself; with my whole heart I will praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me.”

In all of David’s troubles, he encouraged himself in the Lord. I have a note in my Bible beside this verse that reads….

“Tozer said, ‘Stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself.'”

This is truth to me right now. If I was listening to myself, I would be sitting on a pile of ashes and yelling at God. Why me? Why Clay? Why now? This is not fair. I can just see it. All of my ugly flesh in all of its glory. My pride and self justification would be in full force. I would be just like Job, telling God all the great things I’ve done and all the reasons why Clay should be allowed to live. In our pride, we would be arguing with Him and asking Him to tell us what we had done to deserve this. So, this is why I refuse to listen to myself. I can’t afford to let my flesh have any place right now. I crucify it and beg the Holy Spirit to live in me.

We can take our cues here from David. He was a troubled soul, but he knew where His strength came from. He encouraged himself in the Lord by remembering the things God had done. By remembering His promises. By loving His word and mediating on it day and night.

Psalm 119:143, “Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me; yet thy commandments are my delights.”

David knew that his heart would be overcome with anguish unless he meditated on the Word. He loved the Word, which then was just the law. The Old Testament. We have so much more. We have Jesus and the complete Bible. We know the story of redemption and the way of salvation. We have an eternal hope of glory. We have the New Testament and all of the teachings of the apostles. We have a mediator between God and man. Thank you, God, for giving us your Word that is alive. It is life to us right now. It is the only thing that can encourage our souls. So, tonight we are keeping our thoughts on this moment and praising God for all the good things He has done. We are filling our thoughts with His word and His unfailing love.

We are sitting out by the pool at our hotel, having dinner and the kids are swimming. Clay and I are laying on these awesome lounge chairs and the weather is perfect. While the kids swam we had time to talk about the emotions of the day. We have always been able to communicate really well.  I know that will be very important in the coming weeks and months. We choose to live in the moment. We choose to give God glory. We choose to trust His perfect plan for our lives. We choose to encourage ourselves in the Lord. Goodnight.